Hell Hath No Fury Like a Scorned Bebe
by Ashley The Genie
Summary: On valentine's day, poor Bebe finds that there are only two boys left that could possibly be a decent valentine. To avoid ridicule from the other girls, Bebe finds herself at the mercy of Kenny McCormick.
1. Choice of a Lifetime

**Ashley the Genie Presents**

**Hell Hath No Fury Like a Scorned Bebe**

**Chapter One:  
The Choice of a Lifetime**

Bebe stared across the room in envy. Ever since that whole stupid situation with 'The List', Stan and Wendy had gotten back together. Well, it was kind of like that. Nobody had _official _word that they started going back out. Actually, Bebe would be the first to find out for sure. Still, they were blushing like their teenage hormones had already started kicking in, despite the fact that they were only eight going on nine.

One of the reasons Bebe felt somewhat jealous of their relationship was that Valentine's day was drawing very, very near. Obviously, Stan and Wendy were both taken. Here in the small, hick town of South Park, everyone had to have a valentine or they were simply a loser.

Last year in third grade, Bebe's luck was on her side and she managed to convince Butters to be her valentine that year. Of course, Wendy w_as_ with Stan, so all of the other girls were scrambling to find a decent date so they wouldn't be ridiculed. Poor Red got stuck with Cartman, who demanded chocolates from _her_ instead of being a gentleman and buying some for her, which was the tradition.

Bebe looked around the room, determined to see who was taken and who was not. Kyle was her first choice, Token being the second, Craig sliding somewhere in third place... However, it seemed like many of the girls were already eyeing them. No matter, Bebe was quick and she was sure to snatch somebody presentable before she became the laughing stock of fourth grade. See, the tradition was something like this:

Get a boy.

Flaunt him around to let everyone know you've got a date. If possible, convince him to buy you chocolate.

Go about your business the next day and forget who he is. Unless of course you're drooling over each other like Stan and Wendy.

* * *

When the class ended, Bebe immediately ran to meet Wendy at her locker.With all the rush, and Valentine thoughts running through her mind, she left her backpack behind and panicked, knowing she probably wouldn't get one of her top three choices. 

_Oh God I hope I don't get stuck with Butters again... _Bebe though. While he was OK last year, having the same guy two years in a row made her look desperate... like she was stuck dating average boys the rest of her life. "Wendy," she said once she finally caught her breath, "You've got your valentine already, right?" Stupid question.

"Yeah, Stan said he wouldn't mind being my valentine this year. Actually, he threw up on me, but I could tell he was cool with it. I don't see what all the fuss is about. This whole 'I _have_ to have a date thing is kind of silly.'"

"Easy for you to say!" Bebe shouted, frustrated and Wendy's simplicity. "You've already snagged your valentine." she looked at a non-existent watch on her wrist. "Oh God, I have to get to recess before I'm too late!"

As she ran off, Bebe could just see Wendy shaking her head at her.

When she finally arrived outside, Bebe was horrified. There was not a single good-looking boy alone. She was too late. But that couldn't be! How could any of them choose the one of the other girls who hung around in the background? They looked like plain Janes next to her! It wasn't fair.

Wendy walked up and looked amongst all the couples. Bebe, who by this time had dropped to her knees, gently tapped her friend on the shoulder. "Wendy, I need a favor." Wendy said nothing, choosing instead to raise an eyebrow at her desperate friend. "Since you've got your date, I need you to go out there and see who's available. I'll look like a total fool out there!"

Wendy failed to tell Bebe that she looked like a total fool now. However, since she understood what it was like to be a laughing stock (if only for a little while)she went out to check. For a moment, she thought Clyde might be free. Until she saw Heidi clinging to his arm like they were glued together.

As Wendy scanned the playground, she felt like it was a hopeless search. But when she looked closely, she saw that two fourth grade boys were playing by themselves on the slide, no girls in sight. Wendy stood there, wondering if Bebe was better off without a valentine then one of those two on the slide.

"I wonder how Bebe will react when she sees that her only choices are--"

* * *

When Wendy finally arrived after school to inform Bebe about the news, she hesitated to ring the doorbell. Well, Bebe couldn't kill her because she only told her who was available. Secondly, her reaction would be simply hilarious. "I hope Bebe's ready for this." 

It was only moments after she rang the doorbell that Bebe threw it open and practically dragged her in. The poor girl was obviously desperate. Despite the fact that she thought this whole thing was kind of stupid, Wendy mentally thanked God that she and Stan already called dibs on each other.

"Give it to me straight, Wendy. I can handle it." By the looks of it, she probably couldn't, which is why Wendy ended up telling her. Still, she hoped she could hold in her laughter if Bebe fell to her knees again.

"Well, obviously Cartman is free." Bebe moaned at this. "But there is still hope for you yet." Wendy saw her friend manage a slight smile, as she patiently waited for Wendy toexplain to her who could still possibly be a good valentine. "While that information is obvious, I noticed he was playing with Kenny McCormick on the slide."

"Kenny?" Bebe raised her eyebrow at this. "You mean the poor kid with the parka?" While better than Cartman, Bebe still had to think about this. Could Kenny even afford to buy her chocolates? "I guess under that ugly orange coat, he is decent looking. After all, before the list was changed, he was still pretty high up. Higher than Kyle, even."

"Kenny's sweet, too." Wendy piped up. "Sweeter than Cartman, at least."

Bebe sighed. "I should probably call him then."

"Funny you should mention that. His family doesn't have a phone any more. They didn't pay the bills, so it got turned off."

Suddenly, Bebe's eyes widened. "You mean I actually have to go see him? _In the ghetto?! _Knock on the door and everything? I can't do that!"

Wendy scolded her. "Stop being such a drama queen. If it makes you feel any better, I'll go with you. Would you rather be all alone on the most romantic holiday of the year?" Wendy was surprised that she was even participating in all of this. Still, she could stand to see Bebe miserable.

Alright, that last part was total bullshit, but she decided to help her anyway.

On the other side of some random set of train tracks, which is apparently where the ghetto of South Park is, Wendy and Bebe arrived at Kenny's house. If you could call it a house. Poor Bebe had put on some perfume earlier, and the stray dogs and cats that hung around the front yard kept sniffing her until Wendy finally shooed them off. "Almost there." she reassured Wendy.

They tried the doorbell, but that (like just about everything else) was broken. They had no choice but to knock on the door. Wendy and Bebe half expected it to simply fall off it's hinges when they did. A tall, redheaded woman with big-ass ears answered the door. "Can I help you?" she asked them in a southern accent.

"Um... We're here to see Kenny. Is he home?" Wendy asked her.

"I think so... HEY!" The woman suddenly yelled, causing Wendy and Bebe to jump. "Kenny, get yer ass down here, some girls are here to see you!"

Kenny looked very confused to see them. Weird, as he almost seemed to be a ladies man. Especially in that one episode he signed up for Home Ec. Apparently, he didn't get as many girls as is would seem. He said something obscene from under his hood, but Bebe didn't notice. Wendy, however, winced at his foul dialogue.

Bebe got straight to the point. "Look Kenny, it appears that you are the only decent valentine left. Therefore, it is urgent that I am seen with you tomorrow before my reputation that I have worked so hard to build is tarnished simply because I do not have a date. Now, my plan is very simple, we will meet by the jungle gym where you will give me chocolate, and we can hold hands for a little bit during the day." For Bebe, this plan was very well thought out, and Wendy thought she would even pull out some kind of chart. Still Kenny wasn't impressed.

"Why should I?"

"What?" Bebe seemed confused. No guy had the balls to actually _turn down _a gorgeous valentine like her, did they?

"I think you heard me loud and clear." Kenny told her. Actually, it was very rare for someone to hear him loud and clear because of his parka. "I said why should I?"

"W-well..." Bebe stammered. She really had no clue what Kenny would want. "How about a kiss?" She looked over at Wendy, whose shoulders were trembling from laughter. Bebe suddenly realized what she offered. Ew! What if Kenny had some sort of disease? "Wait!" she shouted, even though there was no need. "I'll give you twenty bucks at the end of the day. I promise."

Though Bebe had been kind of a bitch earlier, Kenny could not turn down twenty bucks. "Deal." They shook on it, and Bebe walked away, satisfied that she had a valentine.

_Tomorrow is going to be one messed up day... _Wendy could already tell that trouble was lying ahead.


	2. Sock Bath vs Bebe's Wrath

**Ashley the Genie Presents**

**Hell Hath No Fury Like a Scorned Bebe**

**Chapter Two:  
Sock Bath vs. Bebe's Wrath  
**

Bebe woke up the next morning, determined to make the best of this valentine's day, despite the fact that her valentine could probably barely afford to buy her any chocolates or flowers. No matter, he was better than Cartman. Since Bebe expected to meet him at the school, she was surprised to hear her doorbell ring during breakfast.

"Wendy?" Bebe was not prepared for what was to come.

"Hey, sweetie! Are you ready to go?" from under his hood, Bebe could tell Kenny was beaming at her. Oh dear lord... he wasn't planning on humiliating her, was he?

"Kenny! We're supposed to meet by the jungle gym where everyone can see us!" Bebe grabbed his shoulders and shook him violently.

"Bebe, is everything alright?" With all the panicked thoughts running through her mind, Bebe failed to notice that her father had come to the door with her as well. "Who is this boy?" he demanded to know.

"It's OK, dad. Just go finish your pancakes." Reluctantly, Bebe's dad walked off. "Kenny, it was very sweet of you to show up early, and I appreciate the gesture, but I really need to be seen with you in _public_. Understand?"

Kenny wondered what 'sweet gesture' she was talking about. He just came down here to see if she had any leftovers from breakfast, as he was pretty tired of frozen waffles. Still, Kenny felt it best not to give that away. Perhaps if Bebe still thought he came here out of the kindness of his heart, she would let him eat with her. He must've looked pretty desperate, because Bebe finally sighed and invited him in. Kenny did a little mental victory dance, knowing he had won a free meal, twenty bucks, and a kiss at the end of the day.

"Here, you can finish my pancakes. I have to watch my figure." Bebe said, patting her stomach. "I'll go upstairs and get my shoes on. Wait here." Kenny failed to tell her that a couple of pancakes probably wouldn't kill her, since fourth graders tended to have high metabolisms. He just wanted her pancakes.

Slightly, Kenny sank down in his chair when he noticed Bebe's dad peering at him from over his newspaper, trying to be subtle. Of course, he was a dad, and dads could never be subtle about that sort of thing. Ever. _Avoid eye contact._ Kenny thought.

"I'm back." As Bebe was coming down the stairs, Kenny noticed she looked more flawless than usual, even though she had only gone upstairs to put on a pair of shoes. Coincidentally, Kenny noticed things he hadn't noticed about her before, like the shiny blonde ringlets that framed her face and her big blue eyes, because that's always how a romantic relationship begins. "Bye dad, I'll see you after school." Bebe's soft arm linked with Kenny's, even though he was wearing a parka and it was impossible for him to even tell her arm was soft. In fact, Bebe herself was also wearing a sweater.

Bebe had hoped they would run into at least one person on their way to school, but none so far. She wanted to walk today, like many of the fourth grade girls who wanted to flaunt their valentines. Bebe was no exception. However, when they did arrive, Bebe saw many of the girls clinging to their dates. Not to be left out, Bebe tightened her grip on Kenny, and started speaking in a loud, obnoxious manner. "Kenny, you'll walk me to class, right?"

Bebe silently hoped they wouldn't notice she snagged him at the very last minute. Well, her prayers were answered, for all the other girls were worried about their own valentine dates, and she saw that the other girls asked their dates to walk them to class. The boys seemed to be a little frustrated at this, since they were all going to the same place anyway. He could hear many of the boys muttering things like "God, I fucking hate this holiday." The girls were oblivious to this, though.

Kenny decided not to complain. If he was a bad valentine, Bebe might not give him twenty bucks. Which will probably result in him trying way too hard, and setting higher standards for the other boys. This would also result in him being the most hated boy in the school, which might result in another sock bath. Like in that one episode where everyone got lice. Hmm... twenty bucks and another sock bath? Or no money at the end of the day and perhaps face the wrath of Bebe?

Kenny remembered what his mother once told him; 'Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned, Kenny McCormick. If you forget that, I'll kick yer ass. Or yer new girlfriend will. Whichever comes first."

Deciding that another sock bath was well worth it, Kenny gladly walked Bebe to the classroom. He would've pulled out her chair for her, as well, if they weren't attached to the desks. When all of the other girls walked in, Kenny made a huge point to hand Bebe the bag of chocolate he managed to afford. Hey, if that kid could save up for a PSP and a game to go with it, he could certainly save up for a bag of chocolate. Living in poverty had, ironically, taught Kenny how to manage the money he got.

"For _me_?" Bebe blushed, not knowing if it was on purpose. There was actually no need for her to blush, because that would just make them look like a couple. Still, Kenny was doing well considering he was one of the last valentine choices, and she would probably be pondering later on whether or not to pick him next year. All of the other girls were glaring, obviously jealous of her having a decent valentine. She could hear the whispers.

"Did you see that? He gave her chocolates right in the middle of the classroom!"

"Yeah! I can't even get Craig to hold my hand!"

Bebe had no idea just how much that twenty dollars was helping her.

At lunch time Kenny offered to carry her tray, and behaved like a complete gentleman, despite the fact that 'gentleman' was not often a word used to describe Kenny McCormick. Using the skills he had learned from watching whatever television he managed to watch when they _had _a TV, he did his best to 'woo her' as the romantic men said.

Throughout the day, Wendy (like the rest of the fourth grade girls) noticed that Kenny was falling all over himself to be a good valentine. Yet, Bebe looked like she hardly noticed, or she didn't _want _to. If Kenny did have a crush on her, it would be her job to break his heart.

_Twenty dollars..._ Kenny thought _I get twenty dollars when this is all over._

Wendy thought this might be a little less weird at recess. Wrong. It was even worse. They were stuck together like gum, and Wendy wondered if she and Stan looked like that when they got all mushy. It was... nauseating. No wonder Stan always threw up.

Actually, Bebe was starting to freak out, if only slightly. When they walked out onto the playground and everyone looked over at them, Kenny wrapped an arm around her waist, which really wasn't necessary. "Don't you think you're getting a little _too_ into this whole 'valentine' thing?" she whispered to Kenny.

Kenny didn't hear her, as he was caught up in his own thoughts. _Twenty whole dollars. What could I buy with that?_

He led her over to the bench and wiped away some snow so she would have a place to sit. The trouble arrived when he heard the other girls complaining.

"You didn't do that for me! How come I have to stand here, while Bebe gets a nice spot on the bench?" Why did girls make such a fuss over this stupid holiday?

Over by the jungle gym, Cartman was throwing a fit about not having a valentine. "Alright, I see how it is. I don't need a girl to make me happy! Screw you guys, I'm goin' home."

Stan finally met up with Kyle, who had Nellie clinging to his arm. "Dude, do you see Kenny? I've never seen him concentrate that hard on one thing. Unless it was boobs or money." Stan pointed out

"Yeah." Kyle replied. "I'm a little worried about him."

Wendy kept silent, deciding it would be funnier not to tell them that Bebe offered Kenny twenty bucks, and twenty bucks fell into the category of 'boobs and money' as Stan had so bluntly put it.

After recess, Kenny's behavior did not improve. In fact, the roles were completely reversed, with Bebe being the boy who couldn't wait for the end of the day, and Kenny being the clingy girl. The only difference was the fact that he had given her chocolates and he was only trying to help her have a good valentine's day. Bebe tried numerous times to get him to let go of her, but he insisted she might get cold. In reality, Bebe was already wearing a sweater and didn't need Kenny smothering her to keep warm.

Throughout the day, it only got worse.

"No, Kenny! You _cannot _go into the girls' bathroom with me! I forbid it!"

"I just wanna make sure you don't get lonely!"

"Kenny, I will be in there three minutes tops, and you'll be right outside the door. I doubt I'll get lonely. I just need some space, okay?"

"Are you..." For some reason Kenny felt heartbroken. "Are you breaking up with me?"

Bebe just nodded at him. Why was he being such a drama queen? Their relationship had lasted a few hours... which is a little longer that most fourth grade relationships if you don't count Stan and Wendy.

"What's his name?" Kenny's feelings went from heartbroken to angry. "It's Kyle, isn't it? That manwhore! I'll kick his ass!" Kenny tried to storm off, but Bebe ruined the moment.

"It's not Kyle." _Though he does have a pretty sweet ass. _Bebe left that part out. "Look, let's just try to survive today and I'll give you your twenty after school's over."

_Oh yeah... that's why I'm doing this. _Kenny apparently didn't have the best memory.

Bebe felt so proud of herself. Only in fourth grade and this was her second breakup! She was on a roll. By high school, she could master every single "I'm breaking up with you" style whether it was "It's not you, it's _me_" or "I think we should start seeing other people".

However, the day was not over yet.


	3. Poor Man's Disease

**Ashley the Genie Presents**

**Hell Hath No Fury Like a Scorned Bebe**

**Chapter Three:  
Poor Man's Disease**

**This chapter is quite a bit shorter than the other two, but I thought it made a decent conclusion. **

School was almost over, and when school was finally over, girls and boys went their separate ways and the guys were safe for another 364 days. Safe from valentine's day, at least.

After breaking up by the girls' bathroom, Bebe noticed the look on Kenny's face, which wasn't an easy thing to do since he always wore his parka hood. Wow, their break up must have really gotten to him, so she told him that they wouldn't officially break up until valentine's day was over and they both went home. At least he didn't looked like a puppy that had just been kicked, anymore.

By some miracle, Kenny and Bebe managed to sit near each other without Mrs. Garrison noticing, since they usually didn't sit next to each other. Bebe felt all of the other girls staring when they held hands. It wasn't like she wanted to! She just couldn't stand the sight of a sad boy. So she held his hand, wondering if he would pass some poor disease to her even though he was wearing gloves.

Finally, the bell rang and the kids (specifically the boys) were free to go. While Kyle, Stan, and Cartman waited for the bus, Kenny walked home again with Bebe.Half of the walk was silent, until Bebe finally spoke up.

"Kenny, you were a pretty good valentine. And, as promised, here's your twenty bucks. You deserve it." she handed him the little green paper, which Kenny gladly took from her.

"What about the kiss?" Kenny asked her when he put the twenty in his pocket.

"Ex_cuse _me?" Bebe raised an eyebrow at him.

"You promised me a kiss before you offered a twenty if I agreed to be your valentine. I wouldn't be so pushy, but you never officially said the kiss wasn't part of the deal."

Bebe shook her head at him. He wasn't honestly expecting a kiss, right? Besides, she had enough of the gushy romance bullshit for one day. Unfortunately, Kenny knew she wasn't going to go through with it... willingly.

While she was shaking her head, Kenny caught her off guard and snuck a little peck on her cheek.

Bebe could feel her face turning red. But it certainly wasn't from embarrassment. She clenched her fist and yelled, "Kenny McCormick, you'd better run for your life!"

Kenny's eyes widened before he realized Bebe was serious and started sprinting toward his house. While running, they passed the bus, and Stan looked out the window at the two of them. He turned to Kyle, who also turned to look.

"Was that Bebe chasing after Kenny in a furious rage?" Stan asked.

"I think so."

And they lived happily ever after, except Bebe because Kenny managed to outrun her.


End file.
